Taylor Swift is Cancelled

Liam Armstrong

My heavenly, velvety Aryan goddess—how could you do this to us? We’re your loyal fans, your loyal boys, who would go to the ends of the earth to sniff the lint between your toes.

Fellow gentlemen callers, our vanilla empress, on her Instagram, hitherto a smear of pleasurable pics, announced support for a Democratic candidate. I can no longer support her.

Yes, our precious caucasian queen, for whom we drank gallons of milk, hoping to grow big and strong so we’d become good enough for her to fuck then cuck then pluck her guitar strings and write a chart-topping breakup song, is a leftist.

Now, Taylor please, think about what you’re doing—can’t you see that we’re the ones who understand you, been white all along, so why can’t you see? You belong with us.