My Club Does Not Need Quotas

We just need more female members, says Don McDomald

The left-wing echo chambers have been reverberating of late. You may well have heard their cavernous roar. But despite what the small acoustician choir might have sung, rest assured, MANSOC does not need to take affirmative action to increase the number of females on our exec.

“There has never been a female exec,” they chorus. “Your entire semester’s C&S funding was spent on Brazzers subscriptions”, the sleuths among them warble. “You are misogynistic fuckwits,” they chant.

I haven’t heard such a reverberant falsehood since rival schools lauded their 1st XV’s prowess at the footy. The Marist Alumni Network Society resents the accusation that we are exclusionary, excessively-fraternal, or otherwise misogynistic. In fact, we’d like to have more women around, particularly positions atop us, in roles of authority. But, on pain of discording with the resonant overtones of social justice, the performative moaning for quotas betrays a premature climax.

The first reason that quotas are inappropriate for MANSOC is because we are firmly committed to merit. It would violate such commitments to abide by the presence of executives ill-equipped to handle the rigours of the post. At present there is simply not enough talent among our six female members for such a Bolshevist approach to maintaining these standards. Though we do not rule out the possibility an optimal female might come along to earn her spot—we are, obviously, not sexist—that honour will only be bestowed should they leave enough of an impression on the MANSOC membership.

Ultimately, at MANSOC’s latest AGM, the majority agreed that while it was natural to wonder when it’d happen, eventually a woman would come along that was right for us, and that for now we’d just have to cast our net wide and be ready for when it comes. Organic change.

To that end, MANSOC believes that before we can get females above us, we must first stiffen our interactions with them. After all, greater numbers should mean more access to the crests of the bell curve; the crème de la crème, the 8+s/10. That’s why we introduced the Arndt Cup public speaking competition. That’s why we provide free Tinder DP photography sessions. And who could forget our landmark Pornhub scholarship. Hardly the initiatives of a misogynistic organisation, I croon to the chorale.

And yet, despite our very best efforts, despite putting on our Sunday best and even asking our mothers’ for advice, females just don’t seem to be interested in us.

Why is it that there are so few freedom festishistic femmes afoot? Where is our Lauren Southern? We know you are out there; the internet has promised it. We are willing to make whatever changes you want, not just to our organisation, but to ourselves. We have communal gym sessions. We have rich sociological theories concerning the real injustices and inequalities in society. We are poets, sportsmen, and film buffs.

The question of quotas in MANSOC is ultimately a moot one. The only barrier women face to success is the one they erect between us and them; the one they hide behind when we see them on the train after class, the one they retreat to when they active zone us another night, the one they drift to when we discuss Tarantino. We’ve done our best—it’s high time they returned the call.