Joseph of Nazareth: The First Cuck

It takes a real man to let god fuck his girlfriend, writes Dwayne “The Cuck” Johnson 

Yesterday, my girlfriend’s boyfriend called me a cuck while he was fucking her.

I’m sure you’re shocked, so was I. But I would hazard a guess—you and I are shocked about different things. See, unlike the big strong man who was thrusting his meat into my loved one: I don’t think cuck is that bad a word.

One need not look further than the greatest story ever told to see that ‘cuck’ is not so taboo after all. Consider St Joseph of Nazareth: the original cuck.

Now there’s a man who got it rough on all sides and still held his head high. His wife had a baby put in her by the literal embodiment of everything that is good in this Universe. She was beefed in the beaver by three men at once: the father, the son and the Holy Ghost. I’ve seen some Chads in my time, but none of them compare to our almighty saviour’s ability to come twice.

At the point of immaculate conception, Joseph was already cucked. He was the biggest cuck in town. What’s staggering is what he did next. He stayed by Mary’s side and, despite the craziest fucking explanation as to how she got up the duff, never insisted that the child was his. He knew very well that he was cucked by the same man who was now growing inside his wife, but he decided to stand by his hot wife and raise the very bull that bucked him into cuckdom. Imagine raising your bull. Getting pissed on while you change his diaper. Joseph was a cuck, but in raising his bull, Lord Jesus Christ, he proved that cucks can be real men.

That’s why when my girlfriend is getting rinsed by a man twice my height and three times my girth, I don’t care that he calls me a cuck. I’d rather have greatness thrust upon me like Joseph, than thrust greatness into someone else any day of the week.