Food of the Kings: Western Cuisine

Now, we all know that the University of Sydney is proximate to a number of small businesses serving exotic delicacies from the Thai region.

The Inner West is renowned for its many restaurants emblazoned with amusing puns on the word. Even on our exceedingly tolerant campus, we have branched out to serve “sushi” and “poke” at Fisher coffee cart. Some say these options are a delight, but the high-minded conservatives among us disagree.

We must not let these exotic foods invade our campus outlets. Spice is not the spice of life. Free speech is the spice of life. And, on this campus, man is not free to eat lard on toast.

Bring back the bland!

Mayonnaise Jello

What glorious offspring from the mildest and whitest of all condiments! Carslaw Kitchen would be much improved by the serving of this creative concoction. Imagine chewing this creamy, slightly rubbery delight, as it melts on your tongue. Simply delicious!

Prawn Jello

This lime and prawn jello will make the ethnics green with envy! You will marvel at the bursts of tomato flavour puncturing the sour lime, before biting into the prawns, mashing the strings of flesh together with the congealed gelatin. A sweet and salty treat!

Tuna Fish Mold

Teach a man to fish, and he will never be hungry again in his life. But this dish, made of fish, and shaped like it too, is the pinnacle of Western innovation. Share a slippery sliver with friends, and relish this paste as it slides across your tongue, coating it in a film.