AUJS Should Annex the SRC

By Tyson Schofield

As a proud Zionist, I’m not afraid to say that the Australian Union of Jewish Students at this university is a shame to the great state of Israel.

“AUJS subscribes to Zionist ideals,” our mission statement says, but what have we achieved this year?

How many of you voted for Adriana because we failed to run an ethno-nationalist candidate? How many of you stood aside and let International Revue colonise Jew Revue, when we could have taken it for ourselves? How many of you were learning how to make matzah when you could have been learning Krav Maga chokeholds?

For too long, we have been fucking around at interfaith events, while the Students’ Representative Council has been infiltrated by pro-Palestinian forces.

Since time immemorial, AUJS has had a cultural and religious claim to Level 1 of the Wentworth Building, which will henceforth be known as the historic land of AUJS.

The land currently being occupied by the SRC is an extension of the homeland and we must end it. Now that the terrorist Left has used the machinery of the SRC to vilify us, the time has come:  AUJS must annex the SRC.

Doing so would quash the greatest threat to AUJS’ security: the collectives.

Realistically, we have three options. Following the example of Ben-Gurion, we could storm the bunker, pushing the inhabitants into Hermann’s to neutralise the demographic threat. Or we could stage a blockade, as in Gaza, and seize the land after the inhabitants have perished. However, both of these options are risky with USyd’s management watching from across the road. So I propose the following: we take the SRC, one office at a time, beginning with admin and closing in on the President’s office, until we have created Greater AUJS.

Next time you’re on Eastern Avenue, playing our classic OWeek game ‘who’s your favourite Jew?’, ask yourself: what can I occupy across the road?